In My Power
by Kettleshipping
Summary: Offshot of Chapter 10 of No Turning Back. What Snape was thinking as he sat by the lake. Reggie Only.


**A/N:** This doesn't fit, chronologically, in the other story. So, it gets a story all it's own. Yay! Do note that you won't understand it if you haven't read "No Turning Back" though.

**Disclaimer:** I own no one…though I am wishing more and more that I owned Severus. I'm beginning to get fond of writing him. Curses.

**Authoress:** Reggie

**Title: **In My Power

1/1

He couldn't win in this life, it seemed. Someone had decided it at his birth that I was impossible for Severus Snape to come out on top in anything. This was highly unfair, Severus was sure, but it wasn't like there was really all that much he could do about it.

Now, it seemed, it was going to cost him his best friend. He was a skilled Occlumens, and certainly wasn't about to give Regulus away, but he could not control everyone. He could not shield him from all the prying eyes and prattling tongues.

Merlin, why did Regulus have to be so stupid? Why couldn't he just pretend it didn't matter?

Potter had certainly done it long enough! Potter had pushed Regulus away time and time again. Dragged him down, destroyed him piece-by-piece and still Regulus had loved him.

Severus couldn't understand it, but worse still could not understand why he himself was the same way. Was all love like that? Was it meant to destroy you inside? It had destroyed his mother…

"_Have you, Severus? Killed anyone I mean?"_

Had he known what he'd been asking? Severus doubted it. While Regulus had often confided in him, he couldn't bring himself to return it. It wasn't so much that he didn't trust Regulus- on the contrary Regulus was the only one he trusted!

He just couldn't bring himself to add any more pain onto the already overburdened shoulders of his solitary companion. He didn't think he could stand to see what would happen if Regulus knew his greatest secret. If he knew that the person Severus Snape had killed was his father.

"It was the most terrible thing I've ever done in my life, and I've done some pretty terrible things. If you can find a way out of it and still live, do it."

He hadn't been lying. It had been the most terrible thing he'd ever done…and it hadn't even been intentional. His mother having died two years before, Severus found himself alone with the muggle father he hated when he was fourteen.

Though Tobias Snape had never once put a finger on his son, the things he would yell were far worse than anything physically he could have done. Severus still blamed those hateful things for his mother's death. One day he had simply lost control.

Death is one of those things that Accidental Magic Reversal Squad cannot fix. He firmly believed that had it not been for Albus Dumbledore's intervention he would have been expelled and possibly locked up in Azkaban.

It was one of the reasons why being a Death Eater was so terrible. Why he wanted to protect Regulus from it if he could. Dumbledore had gone out on a limb for him, and he was repaying him by joining The Dark Lord.

He was, however, someone who had to win…and Dumbledore wasn't the winning side. He had to make up for his mother's mistakes. He had to prove that he was just as good as those Purebloods in spite of everything.

All the Purebloods, even the "good" ones, made him feel like he was the scum on the bottom of their shoe. Like his father being a muggle made him less somehow. As if he'd had a say in the matter.

Only Regulus had ever treated him like he mattered. Only Regulus had confided in him, and now he stood there about to lose him. Lose him because he had almost certainly sent him to his death.

"_I have a better question, Regulus. Can you if you don't?"_

What had made him say that? He could just as easily told Regulus that he wouldn't forgive him if he tried to win James's affection now. It would have stopped him. Regulus cared far too much about being loved to go against Severus, and yet here Severus was sending him to his death.

It would be death, in the end. If not on the Dark Lord's orders than in his name. Bellatrix certainly wouldn't stand for it if she found out. No, Regulus was certain to die and he, Severus, had sent him there. There was no salvation for the damned.

"Hi," a tentative voice said behind him, and Severus almost winced. It was her, now of all times.

"What do you want, Evans?" He knew his voice lacked its usual conviction and hate, but he couldn't bring himself to say it that way. Not when he was standing on the edge of things about to lose everything he had ever loved.

"James is missing. I was wondering if you've seen him?"

Potter had gone missing, now of all times? How typical of him. Always there when you didn't need him, never there when you did.

"I don't keep track of Gryffindors, especially that one. If you can't find your boyfriend, it's not my problem."

"We both know he isn't my boyfriend."

"_Have you ever been in love?" _

"_Once."_

He turned to grab a book from his bag, not daring to hope that he once again stood a chance. "You want him to be."

"I did. But not anymore. I do…but I don't want to be someone anyone settles for." Lily gave a small laugh, "That sounds so self-involved when said aloud."

What was he supposed to say to that? He hoped nothing. He could agree, could relate to her completely, but that would show weakness. He couldn't afford that. If there was any hope of saving Regulus, he would have to be the one strong enough to get it.

"Can I ask you a favor?"

"_What would you do for her?"_

"_Anything, if she asked. But she won't."_

"I know you are friends with Regulus, and I know you hate James, but they really do need each other, I think. James really loves him, and I think that Regulus feels the same."

"And what is it, exactly, that you want me to do about it?" He dared to look at her, for the first time, and saw that her green eyes were wide and earnest.

"Just…look out for him. Even if Regulus does love someone you hate. Just try and keep him safe, because it this gets out…" Lily looked up at Snape and sighed, "You know better than I what would happen. I just don't want to see either of them hurt. Much as I hate to admit, I'm kinda starting to care about that little Slytherin." She smiled at him then. "Just…think about it."

A momentary debate went through his head. She wasn't asking him to do anything he wasn't doing already. Telling her would reveal a weakness, but…he now understood. Why he had said it. Why even now he was finding there was hope. He stood up as Evans and Lupin turned to walk away.

"Evans?"

She turned back, and he could see the hope in her eyes. He fought down the urge to swallow.

"If it is in my power to do so, I won't let anything happen to either of them."

"_Could you forgive me, if I did anything for the person I loved?"_

"_I have a better question, Regulus. Can you if you don't?"_


End file.
